Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Things I Would Love to Say.....

Excerpts from phone calls I receive at work.

(I must get 20 calls a day that start out like this one)
Caller: I probably have the wrong department but….

If you really think you have the wrong department then you probably do. Click.

Caller: The garbage company refuses to come down our street because of all the snow and YOU need to do something about it.

Ok, pardon me while I get my AK47 and shoot up the offices of the garbage company and set fire to their trucks.

Caller: If I can get out of our subdivision to go to work, then the garbage truck can certainly get in to pick up our garbage.

I’m glad to know you know how to drive a 50,000 ton truck on snow and ice. Maybe YOU should drive it and pick up all the garbage FOR them.

Caller: If my child has an emergency, our roads are so bad an ambulance wouldn’t be able to get here.

This state has a winter season….winter means ice and snow, which means driving could be hazardous or nonexistent…you may want to move to a warmer climate.

Caller: There are people riding horses down the road leaving piles of horse manure and that’s a danger to my health.

Really? Oh my god…don’t go anywhere near it…keep everyone inside, I’ll alert the media.

Caller: I don’t think you’re giving Mr. Jones my messages, he hasn’t returned my calls.

Actually, I never took your messages in the first place because Mr. Jones thinks you’re an a-hole.

Caller: Do I have to bring my dog with me in order to get his license?

Geez lady, are you on crack? What an ignorant question.


Brad said...

OK, this post got four true-to-life laugh-out-loud's out of me, So much so that partner had to come upstairs to see what was up and read it to.

The Clueless General Public can be truely amazing.

Hope your warm & snug


Gypsy said...

I love how truly stupid some people are. You wonder if they actually have their brain in gear when they speak or if they are perpetually in neutral. There should be one day a year when we are allowed to let rip and say whatever we have been dying to say for the other 364 days of the year. Imagine the possibilities....rubs hands with glee.

Very funny post Val. You made me laugh.

Kelly Jene said...

Where in the world do you work?

That is really funny. Maybe someday you'll get to say those things, huh? Maybe the day before you quit. lol

simonsays said...

Oh Val, thanks I needed that.

How stupid is the general public, really? How do these folks manage in day to day life?

I probably wouldn't suggest you try these answers, although I know how much you want to. I want to say these things back to dumb asses every day.

Someday maybe?

Oldy said...

Ha! Thanks for the laughs this morning.

The public really IS amazing sometimes.

You should see some of the winners here in Arkansas :)

SOUL: said...

bwa ha ha .. makes ya wonder doesn't it.. where do these people come from?


Can I please come work with you? It sounds like fun!!

happy Valentines Day!!

Kelly Jene said...

Happy Valentines Day!

Anonymous Boxer said...

Ahahaha - I have a version of these calls in my job... but honestly... yours are worse.

But I love your answers.

ordinaryjanet said...

funny! Think what the world would be like if we actually said what we were thinking.

I always think of witty comebacks long after the opportunity has passed.

JYankee said...

gosh really..where DO you work? if we were allowed to say ALL the things we thought of as a response..wouldnt a load of stress be lifted from our shoulders? no wonder we're downtrodden and heavy.. look at all the stuff we have to hold back! good one.. i laughed..out loud... in the office...

Golden To Silver Val said...

Brad ~ I'm glad you enjoyed it...there's more but I couldn't think of them. lol

Gypsy girl ~ good thing we can't read minds or everyone would end up hating everyone else.

Kelly ~ I work for twp. government offices. We are sort of a catch all for the complaints of the community.

Jamie ~ maybe after each unfortunate encounter if we write down what we'd like to say, it might help us vent. I think I'm going to try that.

Oldy ~ I've heard about some of the ones you have in Arkansas...I have a SIL there. Some of those people are serious stupid. LOL

Soul ~ Not only where do they come from...but they are actually breeding...that's the scary part.

Crusty ~ it would be fun for a while...until we get fired. LOL Talk about goin' out with a bang though. WOW

Anon boxer ~ I've had such enjoyment out of your posts...I'm glad I could make you smile with one of mine.

Janet ~ if we said what we were thinking, no one would have any friends and certainly no one would be elected to office. LOL

jyankee ~ I'm so glad I made you laugh..sorry about it being at work though...hope you didn't get into any trouble. LOL. I work at the twp. government offices.

Summer said...

Sometimes, you just want to reach through the phone don't you?

The Real Mother Hen said...

This is so funny LOL :)
So, do I have to bring my donkey to get a license? :)

Actually, there were people here calling up the City employees and shouting about the snow removal (which they remove the snow from the road but pile them on all the driveway). One City employee was so upset and wrote a very sacastic piece to the paper. It was war! And it was sad! Sigh!

Kelly Jene said...

Hey, how are you? Hope your V-day was good.

zirelda said...

Hah. I had a similar list when I did ski reservations at the end of an 800 number. Good list.

Golden To Silver Val said...

Summer ~ Oh yeaaaah ... so many times I'd like to do just that.

Mother Hen ~ isn't that ridiculous ..and I can't believe that more than one person has asked it so far. We've honestly had people bring their dogs.

Kelly ~ I'm ok just really busy..thanks for asking. I should have a new post soon.

Zirelda ~ Welcome! Oh I bet you also had some doozies! LOL