Sharp tongue vs quick wit.....

I was thinking about my ex husband’s sister the other day. He comes from a very large family so he has many sisters, but this ONE really took the cake. Number one, she was absolutely gorgeous. She had a beautiful home, beautiful children, beautiful husband; she could cook, she could sew, she could sing. She was talented in just about everything you could be talented in. Just being around her intimidated me to the max. I supposed she intimidated most women. The only thing I had going for me was that I was about 15 years younger than she was. I just don’t know how these women DO it. Of course she didn’t work outside the home like I did so it did give her extra time that I didn’t have. But who am I kidding…if I had the extra time I would have just sat on the couch and watched TV or else read a book or maybe gabbed to my friends on the phone….or just plain napped. I would have never endeavored to make my own custom made slipcovers for the family room furniture like she did. She involved herself in fundraisers and rubbed elbows with all the upper crust. Only problem she had was her mouth. She was famous for opening her mouth and saying the wrong thing at the wrong time. I suppose when she was younger it was thought to be cute, but after she turned 25, it was no longer cute. She was whispered about among other members of the family as being the one who could most certainly insult anyone with the least amount of thought going into it. Being more of the type to ‘rub elbows’ with the blue collar population, we didn’t associate with her too much. On occasion she would give us a call or stop by. I think it happened 3 times in 21 years. The one time she stopped by she had on her tennis whites, driving her white Vette. With her great legs and deep tan, she was something to behold. She came in, checked out our digs, stayed for maybe 20 minutes and left, happily waving as she roared off. She had managed to say only about 4 or 5 insulting things in that length of time. All you could do is just breathe a sigh of relief when she would leave.

However, this one time I really did get her. I still laugh at it to this day. She called one day after not hearing from her in maybe 5 or 6 years. After asking how everyone was she said to me. “Do you still have a weight problem?”. (do bears crap in the woods?) Well now I was in a mischievous mood that day, so the answer just rolled right off my tongue easy as pie. I said, “Lord, no – why I’m down to a size 7.” (I did wear a size seven……..SHOE). I figured I wouldn’t see her for years anyway. She stammered and said…oh good, that’s wonderful.

I haven’t seen her in years and years. I had heard through the grapevine that she has arthritis now and its hard for her to get around. Having that myself, I wouldn’t wish that on anyone and was sorry to hear it, but we all do get older; time stops for no one, not even gorgeous women who can often be very shallow.

My daughter turned 40 yesterday and was in tears. We didn’t celebrate it because she also has a cold. We will celebrate it in a few days when she’s feeling better, physically AND emotionally. I remember when I turned 40. That was a hard one for me so I can sympathize with her. There is nothing I can say that will make her feel better either. I told her that I have accomplished more after 40 then before and to bear that in mind. With age comes wisdom. I’m not going to clue her in on Mr. Gravity yet; this just isn’t the right time. Frankly I’m having a hard time believing that I actually have a child that old. The fifty hours I spent in labor with her are still vivid in my mind.