Sibling mysteries.....

I am a senior citizen. I am on the last 1/3 block of my existence but I am still puzzled by one facet of life. Siblings. I am an only child, from parents who were both only children. I have no idea what the normal relationship between siblings should be. I know what I’d LIKE it to be. I know what it COULD be but I am completely mystified by it all because I’ve never experienced it myself.

I had two children because I did not want them to grow up alone. I was lonely a lot of the time. You learn to like your own company, especially if you live on a farm and close neighbors are not a reality. I always wanted a brother or a sister, probably because I didn’t have one. You know kids always want what they don’t have. I had friends who had brothers and sisters and I thought it was great, even if they didn’t most of the time.

I was blessed with two children, one of each sex. My daughter, being the oldest, was not thrilled when her brother arrived on the scene when she was 3. My attempts to make him seem like a gift didn’t sway her at all. All these cute things you see or read about where the oldest one wants to help take care of the little one never happened in my home. If the phrase ‘take care of’ meant to eliminate, then she would have been all for it, I’m sure. I kept thinking that they would grow to love one another.

As time went on, he became bigger and delighted in teasing his sister. Frogs in her bed, burping in her ear type of things went on frequently. He rough-housed and smacked her a lot and she cried a lot. This did nothing to endear him to her, believe me. Of course teasing went both ways; she did her share. I kept thinking they would grow to love one another.

After they were young adults I was sure they would be glad to have each other. They both moved out of the house, at different times, and started out on their own. They actually would go for months and months and not even talk or even ask about the other. Is this normal? By now my husband and I were divorced and the boy visited him the most and the girl, me. I kept thinking that they would grow to love one another.

Now they are middle-aged and both parents. They are both SINGLE parents. They have something in common. Everyone sees everyone else frequently. They are both very possessive over their dad or me. They are in competition for our attention. They remind me of a couple of pit bulls straining on their tethers. The air is testy with their charged feelings toward each other when in the same room….or the same house for that matter. Each one complains secretly to me about the other’s life, friends, spending, personality or child. They glare at one another, they snap at each other, words are said and taken wrong and tempers flare. Most holidays are a nightmare. Sometimes I throw up my hands to the heavens and ask WHY I have to contend with all this and vow I won’t anymore. Yet they have each saved the other’s life more than once. Out of the blue one will do an unexpected favor or act of kindness toward the other. If someone threatens or makes one fearful or breaks their heart, the other is fired up and ready to defend and fight. Have they grown to love each other? This is a strange love to me or is it because I don’t understand sibling love?