Tis a sad day in squirreltown.....

Tragedy has hit my back yard once again....and not only once, but TWICE this weekend. You can see two dead as a doornail squirrels in this picture...one is at the left of the silver colored pole and could be mistaken for some leaves. This has been happening at regular intervals for the past.....oh, thirty years or so. I have REPEATEDLY asked our power company to PLEASE install squirrel guards on the transformer that is situated at the top of this pictured pole. So far my requests have fallen on deaf ears. I don't want the guard because I'm a lover of squirrels, mind you....but because of the inconvenience it causes when they create a power failure, preceded by an earth shaking boom that sounds like someone has pulled the trigger on a shotgun right next to you. This is the sound a transformer makes when it goes. Unfortunately, I have one located in the extreme corner of my yard.

When I first moved here I thought squirrels were really cute and I fed them....I even tamed a few. But after so many years of them destroying things.....they have actually become pests and I'm not so fond of them anymore. However I hate to see this sort of thing happen. I am, after all, an animal lover and they could have babies in a nest somewhere. Although I'm more apt to believe that they were males headed home after a long night out with the boys and were attempting to sneak in before the little woman noticed how late it was. Both of these deaths occurred very early in the day....between 6 and 8 a.m. I'm sure they will be sorely missed by their families.

The first one occurred early Saturday morning and we were without power for about 5 hours. I considered myself lucky it was for only that long since we had had a very strong storm a couple nights before that took down many wires and trees north of us. I'm sure the power company had more than enough to do with that mess. So before I could get my grandson to pick up the first squirrel and appropriately get rid of it, we had another one occur about the same time on Sunday morning! This waking up to no power is getting old. I need my coffee in the morning. Let me put more emphasis on NEED....I mean I REALLY need my coffee in the morning!! This time it took about 7 hours before it was restored. CHA CHING. Overtime galore.

So I am going to obtain the name of someone who has some importance in their job description at the power company and I'm sending them this photo. I am going to, once again, plead with them to please put up a squirrel guard or some sort of deterrent to keep this from constantly happening. It certainly would be a lot cheaper than paying overtime for their workers to come out on a Sunday to get our power back, not to mention all of the neighborhood being inconvenienced. We average between one and two occurrences a year and we've had two already and the summer is just starting. The squirrels here have no natural predators other than vehicles and their population has really gotten out of control. Unfortunately Mollie, even though I'm sure she's still a legend, is just too old to help out anymore.

On a brighter note....we had family movie night on Saturday night. My family stayed the night as it was HOT and they do not have central AC. So after supper we settled in and watched Gran Torino with Clint Eastwood. Wow, its sad to see that such a superhero of the past (Dirty Harry) has aged.....but then, so have we all. It was a good movie....Depending on where you live, its true to the ways of our society now. Lots of racial slurs but without them, the movie would not have been realistic. It shows firsthand what a horrible violent society we live in and that most people just run from it (relocate). Only problem with that is that someday we will run out of places to relocate to. Eastwood's character doesn't want to move and he's a bitter old man with a family that doesn't understand him and doesn't really want to be bothered with him unless they need something. Thank goodness for the small bits of comedy here and there to lighten things up a bit. It was a good movie, the ending is very thought-provoking. Would I want to buy it and keep it? No. Would I have been mad to have paid $8. to see it at the show? No. Do I feel like I'm a better person for having watched it? No. It was a good movie....but definitely not for all audiences. It did deliver a message and I wish it could help the way things are in today's society, but it won't.....and that part is sad.

Happy Father's Day.....

This handsome man is my father. Believe it or not, he's 72 in this picture. To say I miss him is a huge understatement. He was such a good man and I was so very lucky to have him for my father. You can't really tell here but his eyes were intensely blue and my grandson has those same blue eyes.

He was a hard worker and a veteran of WWII. He supported his widowed mother for 35 years, up until her death. He and my mother had a wonderful marriage and after she died, he looked at me one day and said something I'll never forget. He said that he felt like a bird with a broken wing. How romantic and deep is that!

So, Daddy.....even though I haven't been able to hug you for 20 years, you know that today I'm thinking of you stronger than usual and I know that you knew you were loved. Thank you for everything you did for me and for your sage words. I live by those words to this day. Thank God for men like you.

Summer came in with a light show.....

Wow, summer certainly did come in with a bang. It was humid all day but then after 8 p.m. the thunder started up. I was so tired last night by 10 pm that I ended up going to bed with the constant noise of thunder outside my windows. The dog and I were comfy and I was thankful that I was dry as I heard the rain coming down in torrents. I fell asleep in no time and slept very well. There was a time that I was so frightened of storms that I could not sleep through them. Something has happened to change that....probably age. Now high winds are about the only thing that really does frighten me. We didn't seem to have anything like that last night so I guess thats why I slept so soundly.

Earlier in the evening when I went outside with my dog I heard something that sounded like a jet engine. I was thinking to myself that maybe one of my neighbors was getting some power washing done but I didn't see any activity around me. Then my attention was drawn to my AC. Hmmm, it seemed to be coming from that unit. I went inside and turned it off and sure enough, that's what it was. Fear gripped me.....oh boy, this is JUST what I need. Have my AC go out on FRIDAY night just before a weekend where they've promised hot and humid weather. I called my AC guy anyway....hoping that maybe he'd be available and he was! Thankfully he only lives about 2 miles away so he came right over. Come to find out, it needed a cleaning. We looked back on the records and I hadn't gotten it cleaned last spring (last year) not to mention I hadn't even done it this year yet.....I usually do that in May and it must have slipped my mind. So he cleaned it and now it sounds fine again. $65. Not too bad if you think about the comfort involved. *Sigh*......yes, I'm spoiled. ....but only in a very few small ways. *grin*

I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend and a wonderful long awaited for SUMMER. I've finally finished Pillars of the Earth and have started on the "sort of" sequel, World without End. It's really not a continuation, as this second book takes place about 200 years later but it does involve the descendants of characters from the first book. I'm not very far into it as yet but its starting out just as good as the other one. This book has a little over 1,000 pages. Keep smilin'~

Lunch break and a stretch.....

I told you the squirrels at my place were gutsy and this just proves it without a doubt. I took this through a closed window and screen but I seriously think that even if I had been outside he probably would not have gone far. I went through a huge bag of seed in one week and finally just took the danged bird feeder down.

Hope you got a chuckle out of this. Nothing I've thought of so far can keep them out of the seed intended for the birds.....I even greased the pole on the one in the front yard.

Moving right along to other things happening in my little corner of the world....my granddaughter graduated from kindergarten today. It absolutely flew off the scale on the cuteness meter! All those kids looked so darn cute I could hardly stand it. Now usually girls have always outnumbered the boys, but this year in her class.....it was 17 boys to 6 girls. They all had "diplomas" and their teacher did some creative stuff with a magic wand and *Poof*...they were in first grade! Granddaughter wanted pictures taken with all the teachers and aides and office staff and librarian and janitor and bus drivers and lions and tigers and bears.....oh my. Everybody loves her...she is just such a social butterfly, that one.

Why, why, why.....

Why, on a Friday at 5:30, would any grocery store close down all check-outs except the self-serve and the express?

Why..... do drivers of those really big SUV's pull up next to you and block your vision when you're trying to merge into traffic, knowing full well you cannot see through them or over them if you are in a regular sized vehicle? I've decided....the bigger the vehicle, the smaller the brain.

Why.....do some people, without a handicapped plate or placard, think they can legally park in a handicapped space as long as they stay in the vehicle and wait for their passenger to do the shopping and/or business. This is no different than stealing money out of the register and then leaving an unsigned IOU note.

Why.....do some people throw trash on the ground when there is a marked receptacle within sight only a few yards away? I intensely despise litterers....I'd like to cram every single item they casually toss out for someone else to clean up right down their throats. I'm so sick of picking up fast food cups, wrappers and bags that have been thrown out in front of my house. Some day they need to invent containers and wrappers that will disintegrate and totally disappear after being exposed to the elements for a few hours.....because lord knows we are never going to stop these lowlifes from littering. They just don't get it.

Why.....do some poor excuses for humanity still continue to donate expired food to the needy? I'd love to publicly humiliate every single one of them. They have to remember....life turns on a dime and someday it could be them in need.

Why....is it that whenever a program is put in place to help low to moderate income people, its often those who have plenty of money who will be the first to try to take advantage of it and get all indignant when they're turned down? Isn't GREED one of the Seven Deadly Sins....guess they don't think it applies to them.

Why.....is there NEVER a cop around when that idiot passes you like you're sitting still and you're actually going five over the speed limit?

Why.....do some people practically kill themselves in order to beat you to the ATM, then take 15 minutes filling out their deposit slip and signing checks, holding up the line? I've seen this many times at the bank drive-up window too.

Why.....do some idiots honk their horn the very NANO second the light changes to green? I've often wished their car would stall and not re-start right after that and then people would be honking at THEM. The mere thought of this puts a big smile on my face....am I bad? Nah, just honest.

Why.....do some people wait until they get up to the fast food drive-through window before getting their money out.....and often they are frantically searching for change? I think they may have a problem with the definition of the word FAST. Oh..and while I'm on the subject of fast food...

Why.....oh why do these drive-up window employees of fast food establishments INSIST on giving you your change back by giving you the bills and then putting the coins on top of them so it slides off and onto the ground? Whenever I come across a very rare employee who does it the RIGHT way.....coin first so it rests in your hand not ON the bills....I praise them highly. There have been times that I've been in just the right mood and instructed them to give me the coin first just as they attempt to hand me the bills. I know they probably don't appreciate it, but its MY money!

Day to day life takes a lot of will power to keep from smacking some sense into somebody. It doesn't get any better the older you get because our patience has worn pretty thin by then and we have to rely on common sense and the law of averages to keep us under control.....knowing that every single one of these idiots, who were apparently napping when G0D handed out common sense, will get paid back sooner or later.

Whew....I feel better now. (putting soap box away for a short time)

Save me.....

If I could only take my eyes out, give them a nice warm bath, then a wonderful cooling massage with healing herbals, treat them to a long and restful nap and put them back in....I think it would feel sooooo good. I have been reading..... reading.... reading. I'm a reading fool. I turn into a snarling bitch when the phone rings or if somebody happens to come over because I want to get back to my BOOK. I am 500 pages into it (a little more than half way) and it draws me back to it as much as an opium den does an addict.

I've done a lot of reading in my time.....and most of them were really very good books. But this one....this one just grabs me. What a writer Ken Follett is. Kudos to him and his wonderful book, Pillars of the Earth. I need someone to come over here and do my laundry for me and also clean up around here as I can't bear to tear myself away long enough to do it myself. If the book wasn't so big, I'd even try and smuggle it into work. I wonder if an author has ever been sued by a reader's family for alienation of attention?

Did you know.....

Did you know.....You can sure learn some off-the-wall stuff from the younger generation....some of it is quite helpful.

Did you know....there is a website you can go to where you can put in your cell phone number, then make up another number that you'd like to have shown as the caller I.D. read-out when you place a call to a third number that you key in. It will call that number from your cell phone and show the fake caller I.D. number you've chosen on the recipient's phone. This is just plain scary and I'm telling you so that you won't be fooled if someone calls you and says they are from a certain business and tries to get info from you. You check the caller I.D. and its their number and so you think the call is legit. Not always so. Use extra caution. Don't give out any personal info unless you call them.

Did you know that you can keep something for 10 years and never use it, but the very day you throw it away, you will find a use for it. I know this is one of Murphy's Laws....but its actually true.....believe it.

Did you know that even paper towels are not what they seem; the cardboard roll itself is bigger around, giving the impression that the roll is the same size as always, but, in reality, there aren't as many towels on the roll as there used to be. First it was toilet paper, now these. I think a lot of marketing people think we are a bunch of airheads that won't notice. We notice....but what can we do? I really hate the deceit part. Check the cereal boxes.....same height, just not as wide.

Did you know you're not supposed to keep an item with rechargeable batteries in it in the charger when not in use? I didn't. Cost of new batteries = $16.50

Did you know that a lot of our good old American foods that have been around for generations are being made in China or Mexico? Don't believe me? Start checking the labels....you'll be shocked.

If you change one burned out lightbulb in a two bulb fixture, the other one will burn out within two days. This happens even if you wait to change the burned out one, hoping the other one will go too and you can change them both at the same time. Even if you put brand new bulbs in a two bulb fixture, they will burn out at different times.....which just fascinates me for some reason. (it doesn't take much to amuse me).

Keep smilin'~

Talk about spoiled.....

I never thought that I would ever be doing something like this. As a kid, we always had cats and dogs plus various other animals on the farm. They were all healthy and lived nice long lives. I have to be honest and say that we didn't do anything special for our cats or dogs. The cats would come inside during the day if they wished, but were put outside for the night. The dog stayed outside all day long but was brought inside for the night. He was given dog food as a supplement but he mostly lived off of table scraps. He was given bones to chew when they were available.
He lived to be 19 years old.

Now my dog just had her yearly checkup at the vet's, much to her dismay. I swear when we get within a quarter mile of that place her whole demeanor changes. She becomes a quivering mess by the time we get into the waiting room. All the dogs in there are the same way. The looks on their faces go from extreme nervousness to pure terror. I think they mentally communicate with each other and they are all convinced that what lies beyond the waiting room door is a fate worse than death. I can't understand why they don't feel the vibes of relief and jubilation coming from all the dogs who are finished and are coming out and will be now going home....tails up in the air wagging furiously instead of tucked between their legs and hugging their bellies. Prancing merrily, instead of having to be dragged. Ever notice how a 15 pound dog can make itself feel like it weighs 198 pounds when it doesn't want to go where you want to go? I especially like the ones who seem to grow an extra pair of legs and place them strategically alongside the doorway so moving them is next to impossible. Some dogs actually hold grudges. I once had a toy manchester terrier who wouldn't even look at me, let alone come to me, for approximately 2 weeks after a visit to the vet. After that I made my daughter take her.

But anyway, my dog, pictured above, is perfectly healthy.....she's had all her shots and her nails clipped and has a shiny new license. However the vet did tell me that she's getting a "little buildup" on her teeth. They try and push teeth cleaning and when I find out the price, my brain shuts down and my head automatically starts shaking no. Well....she asks.....do you give her any bones to chew to help clean her teeth. Yes I reply....I have tried to give her bones....all varieties...flavors, colors and sizes. My dog has.......issues. Maybe it was something her mom said to her at a young age or possibly it was caused by being bullied by the neighbor's cat....I don't know....she just has ISSUES. When I give her a bone....no matter what kind it is....she will happily take it and then her mood immediately changes. She starts to fret and then she starts to whine and cry. She will carry the bone all over the house....going from room to room frantically searching....here, there....everywhere. After about 20 minutes she will reappear, sans bone. She has 'buried' it somewhere. I have found bones in my basket of clean clothes, under the bed, under the couch cushion, in the laundry hamper, under the pillow on my bed and under a throw rug...just to name a few spots. She will never chew the bones....she only HIDES them.

So now I have to brush the dog's teeth. Yep, you heard right. I actually have a tube of doggie toothpaste, which tastes like chicken (and this is not from personal knowledge) and a toothbrush, along with a rubber thingie that goes over my finger if I would rather use that. Fortunately she's been very good about it and actually LOVES to have her teeth brushed. Good lord.... what's next. I suppose I'll be shaving her legs and armpits soon. Bikini wax .... pierced ears.... plumped lips....good grief, this could get totally out of hand.

A good read.....

I saw mention of this book on Rechelle's blog and I decided to check it out. So I went to trusty Amazon.com and looked it up. On their site they let you read a few pages if you'd like. So I did and I was hooked!

Pillars of the Earth by Ken Follett. Its set in the Middle Ages but don't let that scare you away. My favorite book of all time, Forever Amber, is set about 500 years after. I have a feeling that Pillars may end up in the same period as Amber before it ends.

If its written well, a novel set in this time period is extremely interesting.....much more than a movie. I don't know why I had never heard of this book before; it was written in 1989. I've also heard that this is one of Oprah's picks....and, if so, she finally nailed one that I am really enjoying. Its only 900 bajillion pages long....thick as a telephone book...but I can't put it down. I started it on Friday when I got it in the mail. I found it in used condition for only $2.85. I am 120 pages into it and already there has been death, birth, murder, an execution, assaults, and thievery. He wrote a sequel in 2007, World Without End, and I have already ordered that one used because I know I'm going to like it.

Just thought I'd pass this along to all of you that love to read. The characters are warm and real and even when you're not reading, you find yourself thinking about them. I can highly recommend this one and I have no idea how its going to end yet. Sigh ~ so now you know what I'm going to be doing with any spare time I have.

Big Comfy Armchair Critic.....

Well, this time its movies. My family and I didn't do much other than kick back and relax this holiday weekend. For the most part the weather cooperated.....a far cry from the weather we usually get on Memorial Day. Its almost always very cold and raining. But this year was beautiful and backyard picnics were abundant.

A bargain bin find, the first movie is Identity with John Cusack. The stage for a perfect thriller movie is set.....run down motel in the middle of the Nevada desert...its raining cats and dogs which has caused flooding and all the roads to civilization have been washed out. Its raining through-out the movie. Its night through-out the movie. Cell phone availability is not available and of course the landline telephone wires are down. Several people from different walks of life end up here because of car trouble or because of the roads being washed out. Enter into the mix a cop who is transporting a very dangerous mentally insane criminal to a last ditch meeting in an attempt to keep him from being executed for butchering several people and everything is there for a nail-biting night. Of course the mental patient/criminal escapes and of course the police car radio doesn't work either. One by one they are being murdered. I would be lying if I said it wasn't holding our interest....but the ENDING.....the ending was just so weird and disconnected that we all just sat there with dumb looks on our faces....looking at one another in utter confusion. Its almost like the writer just got bored with the whole thing and ended it like this because he couldn't think of any way to tie the plot up to make any sense. Later on as I was lying in bed just before sleep claimed me....I was thinking....how would you feel if you found out that all the blogs you read were written by just one person with multiple personality disorder. This is the road that this movie takes you down....a very strange and twisted road. My advice on viewing it....don't bother with it unless you plan on getting drunk while watching....then it won't matter anyway.

The second one is an oldie and I bought this mainly for my granddaughter....who is CRAZY about animals.....all animals. She is only 6 so we do have to be careful what she watches. Supposedly The Bear won all kinds of awards and I saw a tiny preview and it looked great. It mainly focused on an orphaned baby bear. It was amazing to me how they managed to film something like this; to get wild animals to do things that went along with the story line. The movie WAS great but not for small children. I know its nature but kids just don't understand why a grizzly would attack and kill horses or dogs. I am sooooo glad that I previewed this movie first before we looked at it with the 6 year old. Needless to say, she will have to wait about 8 more years to view this one. The movie, however, does deliver a powerful message at the end and you come away being glad that you watched it.

Another movie I watched was Seven Pounds with Will Smith. Now I really do like Will Smith....I think he's a fine actor....but this movie kind of threw me. Its my own fault. I didn't really read what it was about.....I just ASSUMED that by the name of it, it was about a baby. You have to be in the right kind of mood to watch this movie or it will surely leave you depressed even though it changes the lives of 7 people for the better forever. I have mixed emotions over it.....I can't say that it was a bad movie but I can't say that I really enjoyed it. It was just so morose. The ending was truly bittersweet.

Finally the last movie we watched was The Curious Case of Benjamin Button.
This movie was very good and very long at 2 hours and 46 minutes. But it was interesting and quite amazing how they were able to make Brad Pitt look so young toward the end....he looked like a 16 year old kid.....a very good looking 16 year old. Its not a movie for everyone because its kind of slow moving in spots but I enjoyed it and so did my daughter. My teenage grandson wanted more action and I think he entirely missed the emotions that were involved here. The characters are warm and you care about them.....except the character, Daisy. She ticked me off more than once and I found her to be rather cold and overly vain until she entered old age herself....then she acted like she actually had a heart. But maybe that's just how I took it. Its a good movie and worth the time to watch it unless you're into shoot 'em ups.

Don't trip over the adding machine tape.....

Ever since my first job at the bank, I've been diligent about balancing my checkbook. Yes, I've made errors....but I've found them before any serious damage could result because I balance my checkbook on a regular basis. I took pride in the fact that I balanced to the penny almost every time..........except these last few times.

Somewhere around the middle of March I was an even $10. off. It was in my favor so I didn't come unglued over it and sort of pushed it to the back of my mind....to deal with it when I had some uninterrupted time. Well before I knew it, it was the middle of May and the time was way overdue. The other day I made up my mind to find that lousy $10. I downloaded my latest statement and found that I was now $246. off! Still in my favor....but WTH??? After looking for only a few minutes I found the $10.....totally my own mistake in writing down the wrong amount. Now I'm left with $236 that the bank says I have but I say I don't.

I have gone over my checkbook three times. I went all the way back to January, even though I balanced back then.....just to make sure I REALLY DID balance back then. I am at a loss. I have checked all my addition and subtraction. I have checked the debits and credits on my statement against those written in my checkbook. Everything matches....but yet it CAN'T....because I. DO. NOT. BALANCE. It has become an obsession for me. I keep going back to it. The adding machine tape must be as long as the length of my property line and yet it remains elusive. I do not want to humbly appear at my bank, checkbook in hand, and ask that they help me find this. That would be admitting that I am not SMART enough to find a mathematical error....that the numbers are more intelligent than I am. They actually are, apparently, but damn if I'm going to admit it. My once neat checkbook is now filled with checkmarks from all the intense searches for discrepancies.

I am tempted to just let the bank have its way and go with their total. After all....it IS giving me $236 that I didn't have before. But what troubles me is that I'm afraid that the bank will discover IT has made an error and deduct that amount from my account and I may have already spent it.....resulting in a bounced check and then overdraft fees. HORRORS! What to do. What to do.

All I can say is that I'm grateful that I balanced it frequently so the window I have to look at is only a couple months. I know people who NEVER balance their checking accounts.....which I've told them is quite dangerous. Obviously they have enough money in there that they are not afraid of bouncing a check.....but they could also become a victim of fraud and not even know it for months if the perp just took small amounts of money out at a time. I also knew a girl who hated math and therefore would round out the amount of her checks to the nearest whole dollar when she wrote them in her checkbook register. What a nightmare! In other words, if she wrote a check for $25.62....she would round it out to $26. in her register and subtract that amount. If the check was $25.15....she would round it out to $25. and minus that amount. Needless to say she never bothered to balance her account and was never worried....she claimed her system "evened itself out in the long run" and kept her safe. Whew! Her thought processes are unique, you'll have to say that.

Anyway, I'm back to the adding machine today. I HAVE to find this. Its driving me nuts!
Of course if Publi$hers Clrng Hou$e would ever show up at my door with that multi-million dollar check, I wouldn't have to go through this kind of crap. I just know their driver got lost.

Maybe an earth angel.....

Do you think my daughter could possibly be an earth angel? All the trauma that happened in our lives earlier this year really put our faith to the test....but we didn't lose it.

Now this class that she has to take.....the instructor has asked her to mentor a particularly difficult person who has recently joined the class. He's having a hard time reaching deep within himself to answer the questions and do the class assignments. My daughter says his case is extremely sad....lots of difficult memories from his childhood.

I am so proud of her....proud that the instructor has seen something in her and recognizes her abilities as well as a realization that she really doesn't have the problems that the other students seem to have. We have tried to find a reason for what happened to her and maybe the door is opening a bit for us. I think she was put in this situation to help this person. I think that she has become his earth angel and he is her assignment. My daughter is showing a talent I did not know she had.....that she really didn't know she had. She has the ability to teach. She has the ability to reach people and they respond to her. The whole class of 15 people respond to her every week....they have written to the instructor that she is an inspiration to them.

My heart swells. God knows she will do her best to complete this assignment He has asked of her. When this is over, she wants to pursue teaching....she is glowing with the knowledge that she is truly helping someone....possibly more than just one. Its true, you know.....God DOES work in mysterious ways.

Movie with a message.....

The instructor in this class that my daughter is taking recommended that all the students look at this movie. I had never heard of it but I guess its been out for about a year. We rented it and OMG....what a powerful movie.

So I would like to pass this along. If you are having problems in your relationship or know of anyone who is....please look at this movie or recommend that they do.

It has a little bit of everything in it - temptation, life and death scenarios that firemen have to go through, humor on the job.....and yes, its religious. But its not overly done.

Its powerful and it made me cry. Of course I cry during some commercials, but I'm just sayin'....

OMG...this is funny

I was cleaning out some old documents on my computer and came across this. It's laugh-out-loud funny and wish I could take credit for creating it. Anyone who has a cat or cats will understand.

INSTRUCTIONS FOR GIVING A CAT A PILL

1) Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.
2) Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.
3) Retrieve cat from bedroom and throw soggy pill away
.
4) Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.

5) Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call friend.

6) Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees. Hold front and rear paws
firmly. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get friend to hold head firmly with one
hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's
throat vigorously.
7) Retrieve cat from curtain rail. Get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy
new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered Doulton figures from
hearth and set to one side for gluing later.
8) Wrap cat in large towel and get friend to stretch out flat on top of cat with head
just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw. Force mouth open
with pencil and blow down drinking straw.

9) Check label to make sure pill is not harmful to humans. Drink glass of water to
take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to friend's forearm and remove blood from
carpet with cold water and soap.

10) Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Place cat in cupboard and
close door onto neck to leave just the head showing. Force mouth open with
dessert spoon, drop pill in.

11) Fetch screwdriver from garage and put door back on hinges. Apply cold compress to
cheek and check records for date of your last tetanus shot. Throw shredded
tee shirt away and put on new one from bedroom.

12) Call fire brigade to retrieve cat from tree across the road. Apologize to neighbor
who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil-wrap.

13) Tie cat's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining
table. Find heavy-duty pruning gloves from shed, force cat's mouth open with
small spanner. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of filet steak. Hold
head vertically and pour pint of water down throat to wash pill down.

14) Get friend to drive you to the emergency room. Sit quietly while doctor stitches
fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Stop by the
furniture store on way home to order new table.

15) Mix yourself stiff drink, collapse on sofa. Purring cat lounges in your lap.

Enjoy your Friday everyone!