Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Best kept secret.....

Well, sooner or later you just KNEW I would hit on this subject, didn't you? Yep, its about pee and the inability to hold it at times. No one ever talked about this so when it starts to happen to you, you are horribly embarrassed. You might make mention of it to your doctor but heaven forbid you tell anyone else. Well, women are finally talking to each other about this kind of stuff. Kick embarrassment in the butt and take comfort in the fact that YOU ARE NOT ALONE. Yep, even the most glamorous could have the same problem as you do. Soon you'll see TV commercials outlining the problem and ways you can deal with it. Nothing is sacred anymore, not after men started talking about the dreaded......ED.

I have discovered that a large percentage of women have this problem, especially after the age of 50. My doctor told me he could fix me up with surgery but I would have to lose some weight first. (like that's gonna happen) My sister in law had the surgery done but confided that the problem came back after about 15 years.

First it starts when you laugh hard. Oops.....a dribble. Then when you sneeze. Oops, Drat! Another dribble or two. Catch a cold and have a are in pee hell. Cough, cough, dribble, dribble. Lifting something a little heavy? Count on dribbling when you go to lift it. And forget about drinking some alcohol to the point of feeling relaxed. You will MORE than dribble if you cough or sneeze.....guaranteed. So, you start wearing a pad. I always thought those pads were for the very old who were bed-ridden and had a BIG problem......not just dribbles. I was wrong. These pads are terrific. Some say that we get the dribbles because of child birth, some say its because we're overweight (but I have skinny friends who have it, so I think that's wrong), some say its because we don't flex our muscles in that area enough. I don't think I'll comment on that one at this time. Some say it's just a part of getting old. And that's why I'm writing about it.

I think it is partly because of age. Just like I haven't had a full straight eight hour's sleep in years. I wake up every 3 hours or so and have to go potty. I haven't used an alarm clock in ages. I can time all these events to coincide with menopause. Yep. I think its all tied in together. Our systems are totally out of whack. The female hormones have packed their bags and left town. Existing male hormones have spread out, unpacked, set up their remotes and have settled in the recliner with a beer. They LIKE their new digs. Being in a female body, they don't have to prove anything like how strong they are or how loud they can pass gas.....they just have to sit back and cause minor annoyances. Male hormones love to complicate things. I now have chin hairs that amaze me. Black coarse ones. You could weave them into a door mat for god's sake. They multiply too. One time you have 10 to tweeze, the next time its 15. You will invariably feel one you've missed when you are in a room full of people and there is absolutely NO way you can pull it out and NO way you can keep from messing with it. You feel like its as noticeable as a 10 foot telephone pole hanging on your chin. It's an obsession. It will drive you crazy until you can get to the restroom, dig in your purse, grab your tweezers and pull that hummer out. No woman over the age of 50 is without tweezers, mirror and an extra pad in her purse. So even though I don't feel the need to adjust myself in public, I know my body is being influenced by male hormones. In addition to the chin hairs, I have a lot more nerve now. I use common sense most of the time, but will let my opinion be known where before, I just would keep my mouth shut. This is why menopausal women are feared. Frankly, I'm kinda liking it.......except for the chin hairs.

1 comment:

Ordinary Janet said...

Oh, I've been tweezing chin hairs for years and I'm "only" 47. Mine are very light colored so they're hard to see when I get the tweezers and the magnifying mirror out. I sit and read and play with my chin hairs till I get fed up and go pull them out.

I think it was last year, that comic "For Better or For Worse", Elly was watching TV with her daughter and playing with her chin hairs, "fwip, fwip" and her daughter finally told her to go pull them out. I didn't know they made a noise!

Oh, and I've had that little pee problem for years, too. If I cough, sneeze, or worse, be bending over and cough or sneeze, I get wet. This is such a great thing-just this morning I was thinking why I don't have the nerve to blog about the "embarrassing" stuff.

It's amazing, isn't it? The bodies we've fed and watered and fertilized...oops, vitaminized, and medicated and moisturized all of a sudden start biting the hand that feeds them. Just last night I was thinking that I can now fully appreciate the saying, "youth is wasted on the young".