Thursday, July 24, 2008

Some reflective thinking.....

Some of the blogs I visit have hit upon an interesting topic and it’s caused me to do some reflective thinking. Its basically a question of dreams and goals and is your life today what you expected it would be. And…how do you feel about your present status.

My life now is not what I expected it would be. I’ve had some twists and turns but I have to admit that things could be a lot worse than they are and that sort of makes up for any shortcomings. I think one of the darkest clouds hanging over my head all my life is the fact that I never thought I was as good as what I should be. It seemed like no matter how hard I tried I never could achieve perfection, in my eyes. We all know women who have the perfect houses, the perfect children and the perfect spouses. Everything these women touch seems to turn to gold. They decorate perfectly, they cook perfectly and put together the most perfect parties or gatherings. I honestly don’t know HOW they do it. They must never sleep.

My mother was one of those women. I have not been able to follow in her perfect footsteps and for this I feel like such a failure. There! I said it. After all these years….I actually said it. I feel like a failure. At this age it bothers me less and less though. My children love me and somehow don’t think of me as a failure. My employer loved me and praised me for my work so I guess I wasn’t a failure there either. Why do I feel like one. Maybe its because my house is not as perfect as my mothers….or that perfect woman down the street from me. And, of course, "Martha" doesn't help your self-esteem much. I have some dust on my tables and a pile of books sitting near the couch, among other imperfections. I’ve always felt that reading a good book takes priority over dusting a table. Drawing pictures with the kids takes priority over waxing the floor and comforting a friend takes priority over ironing clothes.

I guess maybe I’ve just never had my priorities straight. However, I’m glad that I’m finally feeling comfortable in my own skin. And even though I do love her, it did help when Martha went to prison....I can make myself feel better by saying at least I don't have a record. I now have a “this is me, take it or leave it…..or what you see is what you get” approach to life. I’m not out to impress anyone….I’m just me and even though my life isn’t what I had pictured for myself, I didn’t do too badly. I certainly can't do it over now. I do seem to have the respect of most everyone who knows me….I just need to have that same respect for myself and acknowledge that even though I’m not perfect, it seems as though I am loved and that’s a pretty good accomplishment. How do you feel about your life so far?

15 comments:

Brad said...

I'm on pain meds and shouldn't anwser this but at the moment I'm feel pretty groovey. I think you've done fine things with your life and have made a big difference in the lives of others.

You should feel good about that.

I know you've made a difference in my life!

Love you !

Brad

mama llama said...

(sigh)
(sniff)

Sounds like a conversation I just had with my mother a couple of days ago. When I'm ready, in a couple days, I'll put it out there for you to read, too.

The magical thing about being a good person is that you touch people and make a difference without even knowing it. By waving to someone who gives you the right-of-way, or smiling and allowing someone with fewer groceries to go ahead in the store, you never know how much those tiny acts can change the trajectory of another's life.

By being pleasant and caring, you are a contribution to human society, and you are needed, and you are a success indeed.

Remember that.

Be well, Val.

Kelly Jene said...

Brad is right. You've made a difference in lives. That's what matters. When we're gone from the earth, what are people going to remember? Our kindness or our ability to iron a pleat or dust a table? Who cares honestly!! I read a book that said to "live in the light of eternity". When you or God looks back over your life, what does a dust bunny matter? Its the love, strength, perseverance that matters. Nothing else.

You're a great woman in my book.

happyone said...

I think we all make a diffence in people's lives though many times we don't even know it.

I bet if you asked those people who you think are perfect feel the same as you. They might even wish they were more like you.
Who even wants to be perfect. It would be way to hard to live with a perfect person.

My life is pretty much the way I expected it would be. I have always had a positive attitude. Sure I've had some bad times, but the good outweigh the bad. I'm happy and content with my life.

Gypsy said...

You know what Val? I think you have your priorities perfectly straight. Who on earth wants to be remembered for having a spotlessly clean house that truth be told, everyone probably felt uncomfortable in anyway. I like to dwell in a home, not a museum.


When people think of you they will think of a kind, funny, caring and loving woman. They'll think of someone who is a wonderful human being and I don't know about you, but if that's how people think of me, I will consider my life to be successful.

You are an awesome beautiful woman and I am a HUGE fan of yours and always will be.

Bear Naked said...

I have a blog post in May that I think you should read if you haven't already.
http://wwwbearnaked.blogspot.com/2008/05/dusting.html

Bear((( )))

Sue said...

It took me a long time to figure out that the appearance of perfection is really a dead give away to that person's insecurities. I admire Martha's sense of style, but do you really believe that she is a happy person? The ability to accept who we are is the real mastery in life. I am still working on it. Perfection is an illusion, but you are the real deal. You inspire me.

simonsays said...

Oh Charlotte, this post gave me goose bumps and I don't even know why. For the record, I think you're awesome. And anyone that doesn't just doesn't have THEIR priorities straight.

I can so completely relate to what you wrote...you have no idea. I have spent all of my life trying to achieve my perception of perfection that I am afraid I have missed out on so much in my life. And yet, I continue. IF you are not a slave to that, then I commend you more than you will ever know. Like you, as I grow older, I find it easier to let some it go, but I will never be free. Everything has to be just so, or I cannot function. I have always felt like I fall short in nearly every area of my life...never a good enough mom, never a good enough wife, daughter, sister, employee, boss..you name it. Never skinny enough, in good enough shape, my house is never clean enough, my cooking is never right...ugh. When I read this I realize how sad it sounds and yet, this is what drives me and probably always will. And still, I will fall short. I have always thought that the day I quit was the day I died...and I hope I'm wrong. I am so hard on me, and never EVER hard enough on anyone else. U-G-H.

Thanks for a wonderful post and a little soul-searching for me.

Have a wonderful day, my most wonderful friend. Hugs and hugs and hugs.

:)

SOUL: said...

this was really a good post. i am glad you have reached this level of acceptance of where and most importantly who you are . and that you are happy with you have found there. it takes a lot to get there.

someone asked what have i learned from someone lately-- well.. that was before i read this - obviously.
but there sure is a big lesson in this post.

here's to hoping you have a happy day today charlotte-- coffee's on btw .. :))

The Real Mother Hen said...

First of all, I'm PERFECT and LOVE to admit that openly :)

Joke aside, on a serious note, this post makes me speechless. I have a lot to say, but no words come out, because my nonsense doesn't stand a chance to take on your wisdom.

You're a true woman my friend.

Summer said...

If the truth be told, I'm not happy. But you knew that. I ponder what to do about it all the time. I'm hoping the right answer will come soon.

You though, are a very special woman!

simonsays said...

And what are you up to this weekend, my very special friend?

Hope it's a happy one.

Hugs.

:)

ordinaryjanet said...

the three most dreaded words in the English language for the innocent blogger. ;-) Don't feel obligated, but if I could force myself to do it, so can you!

Janet

desert dirt diva said...

your were your at and it does sound good to me.....

fiwa said...

Dearest, Martha may get a lot done, but I don't think very many people actually LIKE her. I'm glad you are who you are. Don't try to compare yourself to your mother, our lives are different than their generation's was, we have different challenges than they did.

I'm glad you decided to do that meme, it's good that you can see the positive things about yourself.

all my lovins,
fiwa