Tuesday, February 23, 2010

This must have been hilarious.....

from someone else's vantage point. From mine.....not so much.

As my long-time readers know, I worked for law enforcement for 25 years. During the first half of that time I was a dispatcher for police as well as fire. Police business is more serious than not and whenever the mood can be lightened up, the guys try very hard to do so. A lot of practical jokes take place behind the scenes.

Now, like most women, I am afraid of spiders and snakes. I can take a spider pretty much in my stride.....but not a snake, no matter how small it may be. To say I'm deathly afraid of them is a gross understatement to be sure. I don't think one of our officers realized just how deep that fear ran when he decided to make me the target of his latest joke.

I live in Michigan and our only poisonous snake is the Massasauga rattlesnake. Although the bite is very painful, its rarely fatal like its cousin's, the Diamondback. You still have to seek medical attention for it though. It loves living around swampy wet areas but will sometimes come up around your home just to check things out. One of our officers killed one that was on his patio and brought it into work to serve as joke fodder.

He coiled the snake up to make it look like it was in readiness to strike and put it in the top desk drawer in the dispatch center. All the officers knew we kept pens, pencils, rubber bands, paperclips and notepaper in that drawer. I was coming on duty and when you begin your shift you have to get pertinent information from the dispatcher leaving as a lot of calls overlap. My attention was on getting that information. One of the guys asked me for a paperclip. I opened the drawer, reached in without looking and handed him a paperclip. Another guy then asked me for a rubberband. I did the same thing....all without noticing the snake. Finally, one of the guys asked me for some white-out correction fluid, figuring I'd have to look for that. He was right. I was losing patience with all the interruptions at this point and plunged my hand into the drawer but this time I was looking. My eyes took in the snake, sent an urgent signal to brain, which said Holy Crap....SNAKE....stop your hand! I don't remember anything more until they were helping me up from the corner across the room where I was crumbled up in tears, apparently having left a trail of bodies in my wake.

That officer apologized profusely over and over. He kept saying he had no idea I was so afraid of snakes....but he had to admit I put on quite the show. I did take note that all the other officers, including some command, were nearly doubled over in laughter. He said he'd never seen anyone move so fast. Just wish I could remember it.....and actually wish I could have seen it happening ....... to someone else. I bet it WAS funny. We're both retired from the department now and I never did get to pay him back for that.....even though I thought about it a lot......and, as you can see, I'm STILL thinking about it. I could just never find his weak spot.

19 comments:

glnroz said...

THAT aint funny to me.. I dont like snakes either. The only humor is to think of the hell those folks would endure from me.. now that might be funny. My best friednd told me once that I was "vengeful" I never thought so, but I think I might be,, lolol

Lee the Hot Flash Queen said...

I have to say that would not be funny to me either!! I would have totally freaked out.

Linda Medrano said...

I'm coming to Michigan and helping you egg his house. 3 AM. Be there or be square! That was truly a rotten thing to do and rotten eggs would be appropriate!

Coffeypot said...

If he had done that to me, he would have been retired alright. Medically retired.

SOUL said...

haha-- sorry- but i do find the humor in that.
prolly cuz it sounds like stuff that happens to me.
it's cuz they love ya tho-
at least that's what they told me. :))

hugs C

Rae said...

I would have been furious once I got over the shock and fear. I probably would have peed my pants. It was not very funny for you. It is a typical guy kind of joke though. I think you still owe him.

Leann said...

I find humour in the joke in general but a real snake? That may be crossing the line. I am not afraid of anything but spiders.

It is interesting how your mind erased the trauma of the situation and won't let you remember it, even now.

I say find a way to get back at him now, he'll never see it comin'. LOL

fiwa said...

Oh man! That was mean! I probably would have had to go home and change my clothes if that had happened to me.

I scared a friend in the bathroom at work one time. She was pregnant, so it was even worse. We were getting ready to go out to lunch and she was dawdling in the bathroom, so I went in to see what was taking her so long. She was singing to herself and just fooling around, so I hid around the corner from the door, and when she turned the corner I lept out at her. I have never seen someone try to claw their way through the wall before - I laughed so hard! But then I felt really guilt coz she was pregnant! She got the best revenge though - she just kept telling me she was going to get even with me so that I was ALWAYS watching my back and waiting for her to jump out at me. Of course, she never did.

Smocha said...

Ha! I would have reacted the same way you did! I am horrified of snakes.

As Realtors ,once a week we would go on broker tour.(go see new listings) We got to this one house and the guy (listing agent)was inside doing a video. He had left the front door unlocked (a dangerous thing for a Realtor to do) So we all snuck in the house and my friend Eva and I jumped out and screamed ,that poor guy was so scared he dropped the video camera, fell over a recliner and clutched his heart.
Once we realized we hadn't actually scared him to death, we cackled our asses off.

It IS funny when it happens to someone else. LOL

forsythia said...

Totally mean. Some people can be so dense when it comes to playing practical jokes.

Joy Des Jardins said...

Val...I would have been balled-up in that corner with you. I hate snakes too. My God, wouldn't anyone have recoiled and run away like that if they saw what they thought was a REAL snake in their drawer...and they almost touched it? Geesh, I think so. That guy's lucky you didn't punch him in the face. Or better yet, he's lucky you didn't have some kind of panic attack or heart attack. I know he apologized, but sometimes that's not enough for these kind of ridiculous practical jokes.

Mama Llama said...

Ooooo...that you never got him back is what gets me. Rats!!

The Australians believe that a snake's skin that is shed can bring you wealth, and my predecesor in Japan was Australian. One day, when cleaning out my desk in my new workplace, my hand entered a dark corner of the drawer and I really had no idea what it was that I had found until I drew out the snakeskin. I was quite surprised--I think I uttered an "Oh my Goodness" or something like that in Japanese, which caught the attention of the rest of the teachers in the room, who quickly gathered to suck in their breath around this discovery the gaijin had made in her desk drawer.

Hm.

Wishing you a pleasantly snake-free Spring, Val!
Be well.

Christine said...

That's just mean. I am not a practical joke type person though. SCM pulled one once or twice but I told him the ONLY person that gets pleasure in it is the person that is doing it and the sadistic people that find it funny.

Angel said...

All I can say is LMAO! Sorry:)

I'm the snake wrangler in this family. Hubs hates them so I am in charge of all the gardner snake removals around here:)

gayle said...

I would have flipped out too!!

Jamie said...

I am not a big joke person, so this doesn't seem to funny to me. I am however, quite impressed that you are such a great sport. But then, I am not surprised. You're like that. Big hugs. :)

ain't for city gals said...

I agree with all the comments..not too funny to me. In Az we do have to deal with the Diamondback and we usually have about six a year...keeps you on your toes for sure.

ordinaryjanet said...

oh, my God. I have to say that wasn't a nice thing to do. Most people are afraid of snakes, I think, and it would be different if it were a rubber snake, but to put a real, dead one in there... guys certainly have a different sense of humor than gals! Glad you can laugh about it, though.

Far Side of Fifty said...

A very cruel practical joke. I am very afraid of snakes..poisonous or non.. It is one good thing about snow..the winters are snake free! I am sure I would have been sobbing in that corner too..I am sorry that this happened to you, some people are so insensitive:(